New post already. I guess I've hit a realization, and maybe its because of my last post but I think that this truth has really been simmering in my mind for a while now. I need to do things for myself. So many things I do because someone else did it and it looked cool, or I'm trying in impress someone or get people to like me. Why do people do these things to themselves? You'll never know who you are if you're always catering to others.
I could list all the times that I changed myself or my thinking so I could be more acceptable or likeable, but what would be much easier and shorter to do would be to list the times that i HAVEN'T. I'm not even sure I could list a time that I did something for myself. Somehow I lose myself in the great blender of things. I am going to start making a change, or so I hope. I'm going to think about what makes ME happy, and what I want. I am also going to bite my tongue a bit more when I reply to people that have irritated me. This is easier said than done in many cases.
Since I do believe that I have no romantic prospects at this time I say fuck it. I'm going to do whatever the hell I want and not even care. If I wanna go get drunk at a party I can, if I wanna stay out until 5 am bonding with Lumie, damnit I can. Truly, in a relationship you gain a partner but ALSO someone to answer to, which I find distasteful. I think it is high time that I quit caring about what others think. In the end, no one cares about you but yourself. Its harsh but very very true. No one else gives a flying fuck what you do with your life, in the end. It's satisfying yourself that is important. And that's exactly what I HAVEN'T been doing.
This changes now. I am going to eat what I want. I am going to take the time I need to study. I am going to shower as long as I please. I am going to drive my gas-guzzling Americana steel contraption at high speeds on wet roads. I am going to find riding lessons somewhere on campus, because I still love horses, I'm just not confident enough to try out for the teams. I love riding, but I need patience and a good instructor. I am going to find myself a job, so I can fund my habits. And most of all, I am going to stop consistently messaging people. If I have something to say, I'll say it. If you have something to say, say it. But I've found myself falling into this habit when I message people and I have nothing to say. It's like I'm messaging them for the thrill of messaging someone, and that's really kinda sad. So really, what I'm meaning to say is, I'm going to pull away a bit. I have shit to do. People to see. Homework to burn. No longer am I going to waste my life sitting on Facebook waiting for someone to message me. I take a stand.
In conclusion, since I am taking a stand, I will be more self-motivated and stronger. I am also going to embrace my American heritage and be the strong woman Rosie the Riveter wants me to be. Now I must go, friends and car call me. Also I'm a crepper and am going to Sally's to pick up hair dye! The truck came in today :D
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