08/26/2011

First Friday of my college career, and I honestly don't know how I feel about anything.  I came here because of one major, and I dropped it within a few times of going.  I have no idea what road I'm on now, but I hope its an adventure.  Of course, I have met quite a few people, some as new friends, some as potential more than friends, but as I am chronically the last person in the room to be noticed, I doubt anything will happen.  Its a beautiful day in the Midwest, and the clouds float leisurely by.  It's torture having my car sit in the parking lot on a day like this, perfect for rolled down windows and a nice cruise.   I am tired of college life already.  I am tired of the stress and the constraints of class and social norms.  Can't anyone just be crazy for a while?  Of course I've seen some weird shit, but nothing I can really relate to.  *sigh* I can see this blogging thing becoming a failure already.  I have nothing important to say, mostly rants about my life.  And how the people I like never really seem to notice me.  Meanwhile one of my new friends tells me all about how she went home with her new bf and had sex all night.  Like, Gee, thanks.  you're a pal.  I bet she needs that just to bring her self esteem up, to prove somehow that sleeping with a 26 year old ex marine is exactly what you need to be awesome.  like having sex with someone you met  3 days prior is something to be applauded for.  sometimes i really wonder what the hell happened to society.  I mean I'm guilty of a couple of minor things, like underaged drinking, some drugs, etc, but i at least respect myself enough to not A) do that, and B) tell everyone about it and rub it in their face.  that's not classy or attractive, no sir.

Not that my past relationships with people have been the best.   I've been walked on, used, led into believing that this person is my friend and that I can depend on them to be tripped up by reality.  I think i'm pretty normal because everyone has been stabbed in the back at least once.   The only way to really go around being treated like that is to not try to have friends, and that's just impossible.  it's a necessary risk that everyone has to take, and everyone does in the end.  Who I applaud are the people who go to a country foreign to them, and start over.  college is hard, making new friends is hard, but going to a foreign country, where you might be sketchy at best with language and new friends?  Those people deserve medals or something, they have balls.  And usually by the end of the year they are surrounded by good friends.  Now that's networking.

A quick summary of myself, originally from Indiana, I do indeed have a Hoosier accent, I like fast cars and nerdy boys.  I like a good video game every once in a while, but im usually too damn lazy to start one. I dont take shit from anyone anymore.  "I've shoveled shit all my life and now i'm dumping it"  In the past two years i've made the transformation from a shy person who just followed to someone who can stand it alone and make a new life for myself and because of that most people think i'm a lot older than I am. my favorite possession is my car, who is a boat with a Buick engine once used in the monte carlo stock cars(whoever can name it wins brownie points).  she is my child and my chariot, although I have yet to race someone in her i shall someday... before i shake the mirrors out or drop the transmission that is :)

I think that's enough rambling about nothing important for now.  Tata